Friday, January 29, 2010

I guess the economic crisis is over!!!

Honestly, I would if I could.


Hee hee hee... Love it.

A: It's hilarous
B: Technically it's tricky
C: Only the Dutch would use a bipartisan relief effort for one of the worst human disasters of all time as a chance to pick on Dubbya.



Thursday, January 21, 2010

When you're burned, you've got Nuffin!

Yes I realize it is the #1 show on Cable, but just in case you aren't watching it make sure to tune in tonight to the season premiere of Burn Notice on USA.  It is really one of the best shows on.  It's the perfect mix of all the shows you loved as a kid, A-Team, Equalizer, Knight Rider, MacGyver, Dukes of Hazzard, combined with the skill and maturity that has come from recent TV.  And speaking as someone who watches a lot of heavy and serious shows, this one is refreshing because it's just fun.

 I was fiddling around with this illustration a while ago as a test for some textures and it's as good as I'll probably get it because I lost the drive to finish it. But I'm happy with it.


Monday, January 11, 2010

#2 Movie Computer Cliche that bugs the shit out of me.

Thanks to Rocketless for the video (brilliant film) above in the "Enhance" Post.  It allows me to elaborate briefly on another computer related thing that drives me crazy in films.

People typing to operate a computer.

 They've been doing it for 30 years now and while it may have made since then, we now have a little thing called a mouse.  Oh, to be sure I'm typing now, but that's because I'm writing.  If I had to say... close Chrome, open After Effects, import a file, drag it to the project window and then export, I think I could do that all without touching the keyboard.  Because I live in the real world.  Not so in movies where it is all typey typey and no mousey mousey.

Perhaps now I'll get around to making a cool vid like whoever that guy was who did the enhance vid to show you what I mean (I won't) but in the mean time I hope I've brought this to your attention so now it bugs the holy hell out of you too.


Friday, January 08, 2010

Hi, I'm Teri. I may look like a member of the Runaways, but I can recite Starfleet Regulations while we do it.


JJ Abrams made Star Trek as cool as it will probably get, but that's not like it hasn't been tried before.  Please, someone mail that to that address and let me know if they send you one of these jackets because they are amazing.  Plus it is PERFECT for me because when I do leave the house it's only to go to the Disco, Comic-Con, SyFy Parties or School Activities.

In case you're wondering... for Christmas my brother got me some old issues of "Future" magazine which is pretty much the print form of io9, only from 30 years ago.  He finds these things because he lives in Cincinnati where no one buys anything that I like.  Want to find that rare vinyl you've been looking? Cinci has it and they have it for cheap.  Looking for that Labbit that you thought could only be found on ebay?  They have two and no one is buying.  I think their entire economy revolves around bourbon, cigarettes, and Reds gear.  Oh and anything Ocho Cinco. (best book cover ever)  Anyways...  The magazines are fucking amazing.  I'll try to put a couple things up when I find something interesting.  There is another item of clothing I'll put up tomorrow. The picture isn't as awesome but if you can believe it it blows these jackets out of the sky.


Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Nothing sets me off in movies as much as this lazy plot device.

Blade Runner is the only one I let slide because it seems that the Esper and its photos seem particularly designed for it.  And to make that scene they had to shoot hundreds of photos to achieve the effect.


Monday, January 04, 2010

Buh. whu. um. siiigh. My Avatar review.

As a proud new papa I've had to make certain concessions with my life. The biggest means far far fewer films in actual theaters, more Blu-Ray. That of course means that when I do decide to see a film it has to be something deserving of it. Something I'm really excited for, and/or something that if it is to be seen, needs to be seen on a big screen. And Avatar was that movie.

Now I had some trepidation the second I saw the Papyrus font logo, and then the blue people, but this is James Cameron!!! Aside from Titanic and that crummy James Bond deconstruction/parody with Tom Arnold, and all those IMAX sea docs that I didn't see, he's never made a movie I didn't love! I also have never been super big on the headache involved in previous 3D generations, but because I do stuff for the innernet the nice people at AVTR (coke) sent me a free pair of really nice 3D glasses to ensure that I was seeing this the way it was meant to be seen.

So after the holidays and after our friends were gracious enough to watch the little one for a Sunday afternoon, we went to experience the event that is... AVATAR.

I'll nitpick more in a moment, but the blurb review is this, Avatar is the cinematic equivalent of a Drive-thru-Tree. It's set in a forest, it looks really cool, you don't see many things like it, it took time and care to make, and it's a mildly diverting novelty, but ultimately you can see exactly where you're headed and it's totally pointless.

I wanted it to be good. I wanted to not care that it was Dances With Wolves on another planet. But I'd be buggered if I cared one bit about anything that was happening through the whole movie. Every time some phenomenally beautiful spectacle came up, or I noticed just how lifelike the Naavi looked (my wife thought it was make-up not CG), it just made me angry that such skill and talent was going to waste on soulless and done to death story.

Right from the get-go you're handed a gigantic bag of ham handed plot points that for any other film would derail it in the eyes of any critic and most viewers. I have no idea why they're all being so kind to this one.

Imagine if you will if Avatar was a sequel and the first film was about the scientists creating the Avatars. They've worked long and hard to create these remote controlled biological wonders, but the one catch is that they are genetically coded to one individual. Then, at the climax of the film the hero scientist, the handsome Thomas gets killed right before they ship off to Pandora! Oh no! What a dilema... but don't worry, he has AN IDENTICAL TWIN WHO IS A RECENTLY PARALYZED MARINE and he's be perfect to step in and replace him!!! You would throw your soda at the screen and walk out because that is one step up from "IT was all a dream the whole time!". I think it would look a little like this...

So, imagine that ending and realize it is the beginning of this film. That is the road they send you on and they stick hard to that road. I don't need much logic in my films but at least pretend to try.

Why is he a twin? Wouldn't the film be just as good if he was the scientist joining the Naavi learning to hunt? Or, if he was a Marine all along saddled with the scientists to keep them straight?

Why is the character paralyzed? I understand the plot point of him maybe getting his legs back, but by the time the general throws that bone at him it's not even a choice anymore because he's so gaga over the Blue Lady.

How do they "lose" him in the jungle the first trip out? Cameron, you created the concept of motion sensors for Aliens that has been ripped off more times than I can think of. You mean to tell me they created these bodies from scratch with no GPS locator? My fucking dog has a microchip in it for crying out loud!

They have spaceships equipped with cryo units (awesome), huge walking Mechs (sorry District 9 really kicked your ass on that one), super huge hover-ships (again awesome), ungodly amounts of ammo and guns, but no long range artillery? You have to literally fly right over the "God Tree" and drop pallets of explosives on it?

Again, I don't usually nitpick, I really enjoyed both Transformers 2 and GI Joe for crying out loud (but neither of them are, nor will ever be, on anyone's best list) but Avatar was one overlong missed opportunity. Less time touching plants (We get it. they glow) and more time with the community learning why the Naavi are so wonderful. All we saw them do was yell, fight, and meditate. I wouldn't have even minded the done to death scenes of him playing with Naavi kids, making food with the women. Hell, make it a montage set to "My Heart Will Go On", lord knows the rest of the film was (Horner, I'm looking in your direction). The evil General might as well have been played by a gigantic Green Army Man figure for all the depth he had. One, ONE! scene of him torturing, or at least being mean to a captured Naavi would've made him a villain. Instead he was an unethical dick doing his job. And speaking of unethical dicks... Giovanni Ribisi I actually enjoyed. But I feel that Cameron missed a real chance to do something technically challenging and digitally insert Paul Reiser from Aliens in that role as they were pretty much the exact same character.

The only time I felt any true emotion was when Jakesulley ditched his own personal dragon with whom he had a biological bond with for the giant dragon. Poor little dude got ditched and was never seen again. 15 minutes were spent on Sully getting that first dragon only to say sayanora to it the first chance he gets. Oh and on the topic of the dragons... is anything in nature that conspicuous and still alive?

I could go on, but I'm just wasting breath at that point. I know there are worse films out there, but few are wrapped in such a glorious package. That is why I feel so betrayed. Such skill, technology, talent, artistry used to create such a cold, forced, boring mess pretending to be a rousing heart filled socially conscious film. If you haven't, go out and read Maria Doria Russell's book "The Sparrow". While I realize it is far from as family friendly as Avatar, it also tells the tale of humans on another planet dealing with foreign races locked in their own ecological struggle and the part humans play in it. Then think of what a phenomenal film could have been made from that story with this team, and $300 Million, then go and weep a little.

I'll end with this. Go see it for the 3D but know that the 3D is the only depth this film has. Oh and thanks for the Glasses, they fit perfectly and will get much use from other Real D stuff in the future because it really did look amazing.

Now, on the topic of 3D... Who's ready for TR2N!?!?!? I could give a fig if that has a plot and I hope to god everything in that film is iridescent.